I Go Where You Go Read online

  One

  My reflection stared back at me with the opposite of a smile. Two green eyes matched mine, but it didn’t look like me. They were covered with pounds of makeup, supposedly there to make me feel confident but created the contrary. My hands shook with anxiety, I didn’t want to do this, but it wasn’t like I had an option. I coated my lips in gloss and ignored my gut. Options were long gone.

  I returned to the cafeteria, my table swarmed with boys in football jerseys and girls in crop tops. I already felt ridiculous in my tight jeans and heels. This wasn’t me, but again, it wasn’t like I had an option. Everything everyone wore was top-notch, and I was too, but I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as they did. They thrived on the clothes and the popularity, and that just wasn’t me.

  I returned to my seat and tried to keep the focus from me, but given the situation, it was impossible to do.

  “What’s your problem?” Ashleigh snapped at me.

  I shook my head, trying to let it go. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

  “You’re not nervous, are you?” Madison asked from across the table.

  “No, I’m fine.” I was trying to get them off my back, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

  “Aww, look at Becka, she’s all nervous.” Ashleigh mocked me and gave me her favorite pitying look. “Try not to worry too much, I don’t think even you could mess this up.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for the support.”

  She laughed and waved me off. “You know I’m kidding. Stop being a baby.” She took a sip of her water before continuing with her pitch. “Becka, do you want to go through senior year without a boyfriend?” She looked at me like I couldn’t comprehend the importance of what she was saying, which honestly, I couldn’t.

  “I guess not.”

  “You guess?” Another eye roll. “Aiden is on the football team and is Austin’s best friend. I told Austin to talk you up so you could date someone on the team.” She flipped her hair with a materialistic toothpaste commercial smile. “Don’t you want to be as happy as Austin and me?” I couldn’t say anything. If I were to open my mouth, vomit or profanity would come out. “Aiden is going to come talk to you and ask you out, so don’t screw it up.” Ashleigh finished off with one final stare. “And stop eating. For once.”

  Ashleigh was the queen bee. She was at the top of the food chain and not out of love, but out of fear. She thrived on badmouthing everyone in her path, and we all let her. There was no one to stand up to her, and she knew it. She had blindingly blonde hair, a tiny body, and designer clothes paired with a hideous personality. I’d spent day after day getting torn down by her. My confidence level had never been high, and she lived for her success in keeping it that way.

  I was knocked out of my trance when Ashleigh snapped her fingers in my face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “They’re coming.” She looked down at my clothes. “Pull your shirt down. Less belly, more Becka.” She winked at me like it was cute. I hated her. “Hey, baby!” Ashleigh jumped from the table to hug Austin. She wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed him to pick her up, the bottom of her dress rising and giving the table a glimpse of her pink thong. Austin put her down and leaned in to kiss her, slurping his tongue around her mouth. He was tall and built tough, strong from being the quarterback. His shaggy hair was dirty blonde and half his personality, moving practically every time he spoke. Honestly, he was a pig. He was overly touchy and sloppy with Ashleigh, and it bothered me.

  Austin looked over at me once he let go of Ashleigh, wiping the gloss off his mouth. “Hey Becka, this is my boy, Aiden.” He looked behind me to someone and winked. “Aiden, Becka.”

  Aiden didn’t look like Austin or the other football players. He was cuter for one. He had jet-black hair gelled back, dark eyes, a bright smile and long legs that allowed him to tower over me.

  “Hi,” I whispered. I stood up from my stool and met his eyes, just like Ashleigh taught me. “Nice to meet you.”

  He smiled back at me. “You too.”

  Suddenly, I felt very conspicuous. Did my top fit me right? Was he going to think I was fat? Were people staring?

  “Do you want to go grab a soda?” Aiden asked me.

  “Sure.” I headed for the drink station, Aiden falling in step next to me.

  “How are you?” Aiden asked politely.

  “I’m good. How are you?”

  He shrugged. “Not too bad. Practice is kicking my ass. Coach says I need to work harder if I want to be the best, so I’m trying. Just have to work on my running so I can get faster.”

  I reached for a cup and handed one to Aiden with a smile, unsure of what to do next. He just kept talking about football, so I let him. We filled our cups and headed for a table to talk.

  “What position do you play?”

  “Wide receiver.”

  “So you and Austin are like the dream team?”

  Aiden smiled. “Something like that. You know football?”

  “A little bit, I guess.”

  “That’s pretty hot.” He winked at me, giving me goosebumps. “I like that.”

  I sipped my drink to avoid eye contact. He was cute, but his words were not. Granted, yes, it was always nice to feel wanted, but there were other ways to do it that made me feel good. But it’s not like I was in a place to be picky.

  “We should hang out sometime.” He didn’t look nervous, but he didn’t give me a chance to respond. “How’s Friday? I think Austin said something about a party.” The last thing I wanted was to be around him with the A’s, but it was looking like I didn’t have a choice.

  “Sure, sounds great.” I gave him a smile and made it as genuine as I could. He did seem nice, but I didn’t want to be with someone around Ashleigh, even though I was doing this because of her.

  “Can I get your number? So I know where to pick you up?” He took his phone out of his pocket and slid it across the table to me. That took me by surprise.

  “You’re going to pick me up?” The goosebumps were back. I rubbed my arms to try and make them go away but nothing helped.

  He looked at me confused. “I was planning on it. Why? Something wrong?”

  I shook my head too fast. “No! That’s fine!” I immediately wanted to take back my excitement. His lips turned up, making him look quite sexy. Girls probably melted at his feet when he gave them that look.

  “New to this, huh?” He just kept staring at me. “That’s cool. Hopefully, I can break you in.” I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, but he smiled, so I tried to smile back. “Do you like to drink?”

  “Sometimes. I might have a few on Friday.”

  “Hope so.” He winked again. “Let me get your number.” I grabbed his phone off the table and typed, trying not to let too much of my nervous sweat get on his case.

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  “What’s up?” He saved my name to his phone and paid more attention to the screen than me.

  “What did Austin tell you about me?” I don’t know why I asked, I didn’t truly want to know the answer.

  “He said you were friends with Ashleigh and pretty cute and I should talk to you.” He nodded at me with a smile. “Which he was not wrong about.”

  “Which part?” I attempted to flirt. I didn’t necessarily like the vibe I was getting, but if he was interested, I couldn’t ignore it.

  “The whole package.” He looked down at my breasts with a smile. I immediately went to cover my body, the goosebumps getting worse. He put up his hands in defense. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

  I turned away, trying to ignore it. “It’s okay. Text me so I have your number too.”

  “I’ll think about it.” He smiled again, staring longer tha
n he should.

  “Really? Going to keep me waiting?”

  “I guess we’ll see.” He winked at me and stood up. “Let’s go.” I got up and went with him back to our regular table. He didn’t seem too bad. He enjoyed a nice flirt, and that didn’t always have to be a bad thing. Maybe I just had to get used to it.

  “What’s up, 3B?” I closed my eyes with heavy breaths, taking in my nickname as I sat back down with my friends.

  “Hi, Derrick,” I groaned, trying not to let it get to me.

  “What’s with the name?” Aiden asked with a whisper, a cautious look on his face.

  “Nothing.” I gave him a shy smile, trying to ignore the embarrassment.

  “I’ll text you.” He left me feeling the farthest thing from positive.

  The guys cleared out and Ashleigh started grilling me.

  “We are going to a party with you guys on Friday,” I explained.

  “Is he going to pick you up?” Madison smiled, shaking her hands wildly in excitement. She brought up my positivity.

  “You weren’t embarrassing, were you?” Ashleigh didn’t look impressed.

  “No? Why would I do that on purpose?”

  Ashleigh gave me a pitying shrug. “It’s not like you are the smoothest when talking to guys. You get really awkward.”

  I scoffed. “Maybe because my confidence is so high.” She was getting on my nerves. I could feel my pulse quickening. There was only so much Ashleigh I could take.

  Her eyes turned to slits. “Don’t be bitchy with me. I just got you a date with a football player. You could at least say thank you.”

  “I’m trying to be happy about it, but you are spazzing out on me. Just chill.” I didn’t fight back with her often, the consequences made very clear, but it needed to be said.

  Ashleigh rolled her eyes and exhaled. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll help you find an outfit for Friday.”

  “Thank you.” I exhaled, happy to have avoided Hurricane-Ashleigh. “He seems nice. What did Austin say about him?”

  Ashleigh waved me off like it was nothing. “Austin loves him, they chill all the time. You’re good. We wouldn’t set you up with a loser.”

  “I didn’t think he was a loser. Just trying to make sure he’s not sketchy or anything.” There were too many guys that abandoned ship if they couldn’t get sex.

  “I’m sure he’s fine,” Madison chimed in. “Right, Ashleigh?”

  She nodded while sipping her soda. “He’s not sketchy. I wouldn’t do that to you.” She gave me another smile. “And even if he is, I’m sure you can handle yourself.” What did that mean? Even if he is? Ashleigh saw the confusion on my face, laughing back at me. “Becka, I’m kidding. Take a joke.” She rolled her eyes and sipped her drink. “Stop stressing, it’s going to be fine.”

  I hoped so.

  When I got home, I found my mom cutting veggies in the kitchen with my little sister.

  “Hey guys.”

  “Becka!” Rhylie flew her seven-year-old body from her chair and ran to greet me at the door, her long wavy hair tied back into two braids with bows on the ends. “Hi!” She threw her arms around my waist, almost knocking me over.

  “Hey, Bug.” I squeezed her tightly.

  “Guess what? I got an A on my reading test! I did the best in the class!” She loved to yell, her smile gleaming with each word.

  I high-fived her tiny palm, hearing the smack. “Good job!” I ruffled up the top of her hair with a smile, glad to be home.

  “Hey, Beck.” Mom welcomed me, opening her arms for a hug. Her brown bushy hair stayed top knotted on her head and freckles danced on her face, deepening her cheeks when she smiled.

  “Hi, how are you?”

  “Great! Got a lot done today.” She wiped her hands off. “Come see what I did.” I followed her out of the kitchen and into her art studio. When she wasn’t teaching art classes, Mom made abstract paintings. Not a lot of them sold, most of them hung around the house, but she did her best. In her studio hung a canvas with a beautiful fall scenic painting. The oranges and reds were more than vibrant. It was beautiful.

  “What do you think?” She stared at her canvas judging.

  “It’s wonderful!” I cupped my hands to my face, smiling widely. “Mom, it’s amazing.”

  She leaned into me and gave me a side hug. “Do you want this one?” I looked at her in disbelief.

  “Mom, you have to try and sell this one,” I begged her. “This is a winner.”

  “I don’t want to sell this if you want it.”

  I grabbed her on the shoulders and shook her. “Try to sell it. And if someone is stupid enough not to buy it, then I will take it. Deal?”

  She nodded with a smile. “Deal. How was school?” We went back to the kitchen and talked while Rhylie ate her snack.

  “Good,” I said with a smile, thinking about Aiden. Mom caught my eye. “I got asked on a date.” I grinned, finally in the clear to be happy about it.

  “What?” Mom shouted with a grin in return.

  “Yuck,” Rhylie whispered under her breath. She was in the phase of kissing is gross, so boys were a no-no.

  Mom’s eyes were wild. “Who is he? What’s his name? How’d you meet him? Where are you going?”

  “His name is Aiden, he plays on the football team and we are going to a party on Friday,” I told her, waiting for her response.

  “Football player, huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows. “What position?”

  “Wide receiver.”

  “Very nice. How did you meet him?”

  I stole a carrot from Mom’s cutting board, not wanting to meet her eyes. “I guess he is friends with Austin, and Ashleigh told Austin to introduce him to me.” She drank her water with a look.

  “Friends with Austin? You sure that’s a good idea?”

  I gave an unenthusiastic shrug. “He doesn’t seem sketchy. I sat and talked with him for a while.”

  “Still, Austin is Austin, and a friend of Austin’s probably isn’t much better.” She put in her two cents, and I heard it. I had told her everything about Austin and Ashleigh, including all the times he made me uncomfortable.

  “I’ll be careful. If he gives me a bad vibe, I’ll try and get out of it.”

  “What’s a bad vibe?” Rhylie chimed in, trying to use that young brain of hers.

  “It means a bad feeling. Like when you have a bad feeling about something, you can get that feeling about a person,” Mom explained.

  “Do you only get those with boys? Or can you get it with girls too?”

  “It can definitely be with girls too. Why? Is there someone you have bad vibes with?” I asked, curious about what she would come up with.

  “I think so. I think I have bad vibes with Ashleigh.”

  “Why’s that, sweetie?” Mom asked, not trying to hide her smile.

  “She just doesn’t seem very nice. When she is nice, it’s not real. It’s like she’s pretending.”

  “That is very interesting, Rhylie.” Mom was egging her on before turning to me. “Don’t you think so, Becka?” She smiled back, her message very clear.

  I rolled my eyes. “Got it, mom.” Mom didn’t like Ashleigh. She tolerated her because I asked her to, not because she wanted to.

  Mom continued to cut the veggies. “I’m making chicken breasts for dinner. Were you planning on running tonight?”

  “Yeah, I might go do that now.”

  Rhylie jumped out of her chair with her hand in the air. “Can I come? Please!” She turned back and forth between me and mom with her hands clasped together.

  “That’s up to Becka, Rhylie.”

  I exhaled, not wanting to deal with her sad eyes. “Go get your helmet, I’ll meet you out front.” The second she heard her confirmation she jumped out of her chair and attacked me with a hug. She took off to her room to grab a jacket and was racing to meet me outside. I had to admit, she was cute.

  “Thanks for letting her go,” Mom chimed in. “She loves hanging out with you
.”

  “I know.” I smiled to myself. “I’m going to change.” I headed for the stairs when Mom spoke again.

  “Becka, are you sure about this Aiden guy?”

  I nodded. “I think so. I don’t know him well yet, but I would like to get to know him. He’s really cute Mom, like super cute.” I smiled which made her do the same. “He’s on the football team! I’m going out with a football player. This is serious.”

  “I’m glad he’s cute, but a football player or not, I just want you to be careful.”

  I nodded. “I will, I promise.”

  Two miles in and I was feeling good. All I could hear around me was my heavy breathing and the wind in my ears. I kept my eyes up and always on Rhylie as she rode her bike ahead of me. This was normal for us.

  I had been the fat kid growing up. No one, especially me, cared anything for nutrition. My older brother had a spastic metabolism, working in overdrive. Mine, on the other hand, was barely functioning, hanging on to every ounce of sugar and fat I consumed. When I turned ten, bullies came at me in full force. The jokes and the chants hit me hard and ruined any chance I had of gaining confidence. After years of no friends, I turned even closer to food. But after a very scary visit to a doctor when I learned I was pre-diabetic, I knew I had to make a change. Mom took a nutrition class and learned healthier meals to make. I got a trainer and a nutritionist, and the weight fell off. The bullies backed off and people were nice to me. It felt good. And then there was Ashleigh. I already knew who she was, being the main bully to ruin my life. But when the weight was gone, I had an opportunity to be her friend, so I took it. I fell in step behind her and had been brainwashed by her rules. She still teased me, especially about the curves I tried to hide. But nearly three years later, I was still there, ready to listen to whatever she said.

  My running fixation had started at the beginning of high school. When I was just starting to lose weight and feel better about myself, running got easier. I got lighter and my times got faster, and I enjoyed running more and more. It became a habit. If I couldn’t run, I was irritable and out of sorts. Running was a must in my life. It was like water: needed for survival.

  Almost back to the house, Rhylie started to slow down.